Trauma is a deeply distressing experience or event that occurs within one’s life.
This could be a physical or a mental attack, which no doubtable would be very stressful and frightening for the individual involved.
For some this could be a one-off or a reoccurring event.
Either way, the pain that is caused by this extremely upsetting event, could carve wounds that last a life time.
Some may display their hurt, as others may hide it.
Whichever way this distress is managed, it is real, and can be triggered at any time.
In the early days of Billy being released from hospital, it was tough.
Manly due to his little life being full of trauma and isolation which was imposed on him for his own good.
Being stuck in a small bedroom for weeks on end with only hospital staff to visit was uninspiring to say the least.
But also, Billy never knew if they would be friend or foe.
To put another layer on this, all staff that entered Billy’s room had rules to follow which was displayed on the door.
You may ask if this was Covid rules?
Unfortunately, these where just Billy’s room rules.
The sign stated visitors must wear Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) to protect Billy from unwanted germs.
So, mask, gloves, and apron where standard dress for most people entering his room.
In someways his life was like a scene out of a SIFI movie.
As well as the PPE, Billy’s life was full of routine and predictability.
Shift change was at 8am and 8pm.
Meals came 3 times a day, 9am, 12pm and 5pm.
Snacks at 10.30am and 2pm.
Ward round was after breakfast.
Friday afternoon to Monday morning, life was quiet due to there being a skeleton staff on, so medical plans were maintained but not progressed.
This was to prevent creating an emergency.
Play time with Louise (play therapist) was once a day between Monday and Thursdays.
Also, other children where an oddity.
Billy didn’t have friends to play with.
But he did have children he waved to through the big glass windows that allowed him to watch the outside world.
For some, segregation is real in hospital.
So, for Billy being integrated back into the outside world was scary.
The hardest thing was, he had no prior experience to fall back on.
Everything was new and in someways over stimulating.
The need for a security blanket was real and this was in the form of us.
Alec and I, where the consistent factors within his little life.
More than most, we were his world.
So, to put this into context.
Billy’s main mode of transport was an ambulance with no windows.
When Billy was well enough to catch some fresh air, we would walk to the only green space near the hospital, the cemetery.
Or walk around the hospital building if he was deemed as high risk.
One of Billy’s favourite activities was going out in his pram to wave at other people that looked like him.
So, people in hospital gowns or being pushed in a bed or a wheelchair by porters or medic.
Billy had never seen people cooking, washing, dressing or undressing, washing clothes or even gardening.
Billy had never been to a supermarket, petrol station, a children’s activity, other people’s houses or played in a garden.
And I’m sure, there’s so much more.
Bizarre if you think about it for too long.
So, when we could, Alec and I would make it our life’s mission to expose him to the unseen.
But, due to his age and understanding this was a slow process.
The mixture of the trauma and the unknown made life hard.
To the point at times, we would have to cut our plans short due to it being too much or we would have to intervene to make him feel safe.
You may ask, why would you need to intervene to make him feel safe?
For example, it is a natural reaction to want to touch a new member of the family to show them you love them.
But if you think about it unnecessary or unneeded touch was not a thing in hospital.
For Billy most of our friends and family were strangers.
So, at times, Billy was happiest hiding or would become uninteresting to avoid unwanted attention.
He became a watchful statue.
So, sometimes we had to be his protector.
But also, his encourager to push him from the comfort zone into the stretch zone so he could grow.
As a parent, this is a challenging place to be.
Stimulation and multiple new things are exhausting.
So, managing Billy’s exposure was a real thing.
We found that one event a day was enough.
Even a supermarket shop then a house visit would make Billy tired to the point he was exhausted.
But by the time Billy had entered school, we had exposed him to a lot.
And his tolerance level to new things had grown.
But, at times, like anybody, there are still things that knock you off kilter.
Billy entered year R well and thrived within the classroom environment.
He loved to learn and see new things, even if it was only within a book.
Even with his little life being surreal, Billy does trust his key workers and likes to please.
Even if this is at the detriment of his own happiness.
At the end of the year, the school had decided to put on some fun interactive sessions for the children.
They had invited some parents in to introduce the children to their job roles.
This was a regular event which was part of the school curriculum.
So due to this, parents where not informed.
Billy and the other children did activities relating to service roles in the morning and then in the afternoon the children where lead into the hall for a ‘Show and Tell’.
Instantly, Billy showed signs of distress.
His eyes widened, but followed his fellow class mates in and sat down.
In front of him was a display of paramedic equipment.
Over the next few minutes, the paramedics entered and introduced themselves ready for the talk.
Billy’s body language started to emphasizes his discomfort, his little body froze and his face was screaming, ‘I’m petrified’.
His eyes never left the medics as he watched them intently.
Until a teacher noticed and tried to engage with Billy.
Billy didn’t respond, he just kept watching the paramedics, until the teacher intervened.
Billy was carried out by his teacher to his classroom and it took a lot to convince him, that they where not there for him.
After a lot of hugs and reassurances, Billy explained he was truly scared that they may take him away without one of us being there.
Which is the polar opposite of his persona within hospital with us.
Just shows, how much your presents can be the key.
But also, how much small children understand.
Remember you may not feel strong but you are
Love
The Rose-Tinted Mum
The Rose Tinted mum 