Woken up by the noise of the dog, huffing loudly and chucking himself on the hallway floor.
Checking in, just in case we had forgot about him.
As, I lie there listening to Alec getting ready to take the dog.
I wonder why I’m so tired, then I remember I’m 42 and menopausal.
Then my thoughts go to the morning routine.
Shower, is it a hair wash day?
Can I get away with another day?
Probably not, shampoo on.
Dry, teeth, go to the bedroom.
What am I doing today, out or in?
I’m at home, comfy work clothes.
Brush hair, cream face, no make-up.
Door open’s “Morning time?“
“Yes Billy, morning time“
“Shower day?”
“Yes Billy, shower day“
“oooooooooooooooooooooowww“
Shower turned on, find the child who loves to play hide and seek on shower days.
But, luckily for me, he laughs when he is excited.
Move towards the giggling child.
Once found, guide the child back to the bathroom, who’s trying to escape in the other direction.
Block with arms out wide and walk slowly down the corridor.
Then encourage or undress the disinterested child out of his clothes, who would leave them on if he had half a chance.
Even that he doesn’t fight me, his body seems to hold onto the fabric.
Why do they make the head holes on children’s clothes so small?
Or is it just Billy?
Quick shower with the disapproving small person within my life, who is now singing.
Turn off the shower and swaddle him and sneak a quick hug.
Teeth, fight the clothes back onto the clammy body.
Down the stairs, 12 to be exact.
“Mummy“
“Yes Billy“
“Why don’t they teach train history at school”
“Good question“
In my mind the conversation is obvious, because the school system is out dated.
“Billy, because the teachers feel other subjects are more important at this stage, like English and Maths”
Tablets, one orange gummy, 2 white, one round and one oval.
“Billy, tablets“
“Mummy can I skip the tablets?”
“No Billy, there important”
“Ok, but I still don’t like them“
“I know mate, but you have to“
Gulp, gulp, gulp
“How are your legs and the itch this morning, Billy?“
“My legs hurt“
“Ok, do you need Calpol Billy?”
“eeeeeeeeeeeeer Yes please”
‘Ok, open wide Billy, what would you like for breakfast?’
“Fruit and yoghurt“
“Ok Billy, blowing please“
“Now“
“Yes Billy, now”
1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 9 , 10 cough,
Repeat 3 times.
“Well done Billy”
Back door opens.
“DDDDDDDDAD”
Alec: “Hi mate“
Huffer back wagging his tail, must be in a better mood.
Rubbing his nose up my leg to look at me.
“Good morning Scrumps, nice walk, breakfast?”
More wags and ears prick up.
“Come on then“
Breakfast made, scrumpy tucks in.
Where was I, arrr yes.
“Billy, have you finished?”
No reply
“Billy?”
“Are you talking to me?“
“Yes, Billy”
“I didn’t hear you mum“
“Billy, have you finished?“
“No”
“Hurry up, little man”
“Ok”
“Right Billy, bowl in the sink, reading time“
Then the stare of “now“, mirrored by a stare back “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it”.
Billy’s usual habit appears, let’s talk about everything so the time will run out.
“Read“
“Ok“
Eventually, he reads amazingly.
I wonder when he will learn, it would be easier to just except it, which would mean more play time?
Messages on a post card.
Book bag packet, shoes on by the front door, coat in hand, water bottle in the other.
Big kiss and a hug.
“Go and make that brain big, little man, love you”
“Love you mum“
Mission accomplished.
As I watch him fade down the front drive.
I often think, would I change our family’s fate if I had a magic wand?
The natural reaction is to say ‘yes’.
Like most hospital parents, I would like for the needed torture, the mental scares and endless treatment programmes to end.
More for him, not me.
But, if it meant losing a bit of Billy’s character or traits that have moulded him into him, I think I would say no.
So, for now, we sprinkle a big helping of optimism within our lives to drown out all the un-wanted hurt.
Forever grateful to our vast hospital family and the hero inside.
Also Billy, don’t stop being you.
Remember you may not feel strong but you are
Love
The Rose-Tinted Mum
The Rose Tinted mum 