Yellow is a colour of happiness, positivity, and optimism
This striking colour reflects new life within nature
From daffodils, chicks, and the new beating sun in the spring
A happy time of year that depicts hope and new beginnings, all in the name of yellow.
But, for some, Yellow is not a sign of hope, laughter, or enthusiasm
But a warning of hard times to come
A realisation that life is going to be unpredictable and ever changing
Which can lead to a shattered heart and a broken mind that is filled with dread, uncertainty, and great fear.
The small being that I created within me was broken
There was no inch of his skin that was untouched by yellow
There was no light therapy in the world that could fix him
Only, operations, bloods, medications, and his inner ability to fight.
Over the days, months, years Billy paid tribute to all Yellows
From sunshine yellow all the way through to greenly/ muddy yellows
Like the seasons, all the shades brought different characteristics
Brighter was more bearable than the darker richer colours that descended into putrid sickly greens.
The effect of yellow was broader than just colour
It created a malfunctioning system that emphasized areas of weakness
It stained his eyes yellow, gave him a distended tummy, skinny peripherals, unpigmented stools and the dark urine that had an unforgettable strong smell
All signs that his body was decaying from the inside out.
Quite quickly you moved from being a part of our lives to taking over
The gentle attacks turned into war
Recovery was non-existent and relentless torture was a given
You were brutal to the point the images you portrayed where unforgettable.
But over time I learnt to understand you
How to maintain you
Even how to ask you to leave
But, most of all I started to accept you.
Like any good love hate relationships, I nurtured you, I loved you, I hated you and I compromised with you
You made me laugh with disbelief, cry in desperation and shocked me into silence.
To the point you broke me
But by doing this you taught me to be stronger than ever before.
So, for now
When you are warning me, I will listen.
When you push me, I will fight back.
When you take over, I will disrupt you.
But most of all, you will remain my favourite colour, even with your double edge sword.
Remember you may not feel strong but you are.
Love
The Rose-Tinted Mum
The Rose Tinted mum 